Top Ten Things of Which Bixby is Mortified

A portion of my legion readers have met and know His Hardly-Honorable Sir Bixby, my one year old Chiweenie. For those unfamiliar with the breed, he’s one of those newfangled ‘designer’ dogs; in his case he’s 50% Dachshund (wiener dog), 50% Chihuahua, and 110% goofy!

Well, lately I’ve been noticing the surprising number of things that scare the living poopie out of the poor little guy and thought I’d share the Top Ten Things of Which Bixby is Mortified

10) Blowing leaves

9) Scarves

8 ) Own intimidating shadow

7) Tiny shred of sliced turkey thrown to him to catch

6) Ducks!!

5) That creepy box that holds his toys

4) Robins

3) Scary-ass pair of socks hanging off the couch

2) Underside of chairs

1) All the big things that move


Gettin’ Down Wit Buddha

I was feeling kind of hollow inside…just kind of empty, you know?So I sat down at the old internet and read, for at least twenty minutes, a website extolling the many wonders of Buddhism.

So I’m good.
Yep, yep, got it.
Four noble truths,
Something or other
Kama sutra and all that

So no man, it’s cool
I got it.

So let me just kick back here and groove out on this enlightenment shit.

Just…let me get a little…more…comfortable

All right, cool. Just chillin’ on some straight up Buddha and letting the killer chi roll through……..ok, I’m bored!

I’m suffering for a sandwich. Suffering for a cocktail and perhaps a little porn.

Yeah, so I’m just gonna work on this “becoming Buddha” shit tomorrow.

Mark my words.

Lewis & Salvadore

Donner Lake Pass in the Sierra Nevada Mountain...

Image via Wikipedia

Come on Lewis*
Come on Salvadore
There’s gold in the hills
But your hearts
Are worth much more
We’ll go to the place
Where survivors go

You’re Mother Nature’s only sons
And didn’t you know?

When you give this gift
The spirits lift

And it’s crazy in its way
It’s holy in its way

It’s California

So come on Lewis
Come on Salvadore

Was it the day
That made them all ignore?

Or is this the way all things must pass?
Analyze the difference and you’re warm at last

And when you give this gift
I’ll place it in a sac upon my hip

And you can lead the way
Crazy all the way

To California

*Lewis and Salvadore (actually Luis & Salvadore) were two Miwok Indians from California directed by their employer to bring food to and help guide to safety the famous Donner Party, which during the treacherous winter of 1847 was stranded attempting to cross the Sierra Nevada Mountains. A number of Donner Party members resorted to cannibalism to survive, which many did. Initially, members of the party agreed to eat human flesh only after several members of the group had died “naturally.”

Only three members of the party refused to eat human meat, including Luis and Salvadore. Within several days, however, these three also partook, realizing this last resort was their only option. After the group regained strength and surged forward for several days, they found themselves hungry once again, and several men began to discuss murdering Luis and Salvadore to provide additional sustenance. A Mr. Eddy argued against the idea and tipped off Luis & Salvadore that they would likely be killed. The Miwok heeded the warning and struck off on their own only to be found several days later by members of the party out to hunt game. Luis & Salvadore lay before Eddy and a Mr. Foster, alive but freezing to death. Eddy, despite his best efforts, was unable to prevent Foster from killing the two Indians.

This short poem was written in honor of Luis and Salvadore for their attempt to help those who would ultimately treat them as savages.

Best I Could

You were killing angels
And robbing saints

Painting them black
With your guilty paints

I would have tried to save you
But I’m not quite there

I Would have forgiven you
But I couldn’t stand to bear

The weights which make good men
The balance only makes sense

To saints who have seen the end
And in my defense

I did the best I could.

Went back to the nursery
Reversed the lie of fate

Took comfort in the things I know
Like the night coming late

Exposed the side which thinks too much
Of that which will not change

I’ll carry all my sins with me
And those I’ve rearranged

And I hope that it’s good

I did the best I could.

Father, where are you now?
Please make it good

Tell me that you love me
I know you did the best you could

Mother, will you hold me now?
And tell me its okay

I’ll take you both with me
When I blow away