You Say Tuh-May-Toe & I Say Those Things Are Disgusting: Oh, Our Quirky Little Differences

You ever notice those funny little preferences that are actually pretty insignificant but about which we feel strongly? Well I decided to ponder a few of those in this short but let’s face it hysterically humorous accounting.

For example, some insist the toilet paper must be placed on the holder such that the paper rolls over the top coming away from the wall, while others insist that it should actually be slung back toward the wall and then clutched from beneath the roll.

Or, let’s take eating a cob of corn. Some folks are quite positive the best way to go is “typewriter” style, where you chomp, chomp, chomp your way down the cob then ‘ding’ rotate and repeat, while others prefer the pure rotation method which entails maintaining a single left to right position, rotating the delectable and potentially butter drenched ear in a clockwise or counterclockwise position, and only when a full mouth sized ring has been completed does one scale down the cob toward the other end and engage in another rotation of chomping.


As another one, when dumping a dead prostitute you’ve just killed into a marshy bog, some insist that duffel bags are essential, while others prefer to just let nature work straight away in its unobstructed decomposition process.

Some famously say ta-may-toe while others say toe-mah-toe (both trying to describe the orange fruit), and some say pa-tay-toe while still others have no use for the word because spuds aren’t in any way part of their standard diet.

There are those who like to roll their clothes when they pack, sure that this will keep them more wrinkle free and perhaps save space, while others fold neatly and still others just pile the whole mess in there quicklike as if the Feds are about to bust in any moment!

Some think farting at funerals and pointing at the old guy in front of them is hysterical, while others find it much funnier to kick their legs up in the air at a quiet moment, light the fart, and point out that the deceased would have wanted it that way. It’s just a matter of personal preference, really.

For another example, a substantial proportion of the population likes to lay down on their right side when going to sleep, where there are also though left-siders, back-siders, and as I like to call ‘em, bellyfloppers.

A fraction of personal friends and relatives think its essential and only right to call ahead before stopping by your crib while others think ‘what the hay, we’re buds, am I right??’ and just crash that shit.

Or, let’s say you’re drowning a litter of puppies…some people like to just throw the sack right in and let asphyxiation do the work while others feel its much more humane to bonk those cute little bastards on the head first.

In the chivalry department, many people think men should always hold the door for a lady, no matter what their relationship, while others think this is just an outdated and possibly even sexist practice.

And there are many who believe sending a nice thank you card after a job interview or great party is a nice way to follow up and add a personal touch, while quite a few others think a quick call or email does the same trick.

Or, when robbing a little old lady for her last $5 and maybe a tube of chapstick, there are those who think simulating a firearm by thrusting a stiffened index finger into her kidney area works just great, while others are convinced nothing short of inserting a .357 magnum all the way down her esophageal cavity creates the desired effect. It’s all about personal style.

You often hear how some prefer foreign cars for their purported reliability, while others feel it is critical to buy from a domestic firm (even if that domestic firm is owned and managed by foreign business interests).

Or some guys, when stabbing their drunken uncle with a fork at Thanksgiving dinner because he won’t freaking shut up, once again, about how the bird is too dry and the beer supply is inadequate prefer to stick him in the leg, while others go for the more meaty, tender breast meat.

So, as you can see, we live in a world of preferences. Some people like to use only the “traditional,” tried & true racial slurs from the old days, eschewing newer, fresher ones. Some think groping butts on a crowded subway is simply a superior form of courtship than that old boring dinner and a movie routine. And some of us like to take a dump in the neighbor’s backyard and blame it on the family dog, while others let the family dog do his or her own “business.”

You say casserole, I say hotdish, ya know?

Guess that’s just the world we live in, folks.


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