A completely inaccurate brief history of time or something or other

Slop, yo.

Slop w/ eye

Cells a splittin’

Don't You Think Sexy?

Two is company

Simple creature

More creatures

Amphibious reptile bird?

BIG creatures

Weather’s a bitch over millions of years

Colder than a witch’s tit

Start again for some

For many bye bye birdie

Many even hardy

Central nervous system

Bipedal action, yo.

Bending over stinks


Much hair

Unibrow all day long, sucka.

Cultural icon

Sex that hairy thing up

Me pound rock

Ugh.  Keep me warm, baby.

Hunt, forage, gather, repeat

Thinkin’ about shit, you know?

Vague religiosity


Bigger, stronger

Family man

Cut  the weak loose, really for the best

Eat this, it’s wild dude!

We should farm & store

Food all winter is the bee’s knees

Fool for the city

Oh, Gods of the River!

Gods of the Norse

God, Mohammed, Moses…all them dudes

Elaborate power plays

Peacocking, yo.


Divide, conquer. Repeat.

Wear clothes

Obey the Word

Get him!

Science pretty cool

Technology super nifty

Still, fuck off.

Mine is mine

Yours? Mine

Damn the torpedoes


Big ass car

Hippie butt



Big comet


Gilligan’s Island, Part II


Lord of Flies

Desperate to eat



Button push


Oh, crap

Cockroach party

No more crumbs left behind

Too bad, so sad

Old one cell’s gloating


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