Do’s & Don’ts of Movie Dating

Do: say yes to anything with John Cusack (including Cusack’s “Say Anything”)
Don’t: say yes to anything (have a spine, Jack!)
Do: buy her a nice meal afterward
Don’t: ask “didn’t that popcorn fill you up?”
Do: sit next to her
Don’t: sit on her
Do: take her to the sequel of her favorite film (yes, even Sex & the City)
Don’t: take her to anything the title of which contains any of the following: “With a Vengeance,” “Judgment Day,” “Final Revenge,” “The Reckoning,” or “IV”
Do: have a napkin handy for her to clean off her buttery fingers
Don’t: have the napkin be your shirt
Do: take her to a scary movie (a natural cuddle-inducer)
Don’t: scare the living shit out of her by yelling “boo!” during a quiet sequence

Do: tactfully shush the talkative clown behind you on her behalf
Don’t: brain him on the curb outside the theater during intermission
Do: try to appreciate a romantic comedy
Don’t: try to talk her into appreciating Stephen Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme
Do: turn off your cell phone
Don’t: leave your cell phone on*
*Note! If she gets, takes, or makes a phone call during the show do tell her it’s okay and that you’re sure nobody noticed
Do: get her a box of Juju Bees
Don’t: hand her a box of killer bees
Do: take her to that French film she’s been dying to see
Don’t: show her your “French Maids Get Dirty” DVD, your only but favorite “French” film