Political Miscourse

The Man’s been calling
Says he wants my vote
I got down to stalling
I wanted his throat

The Man says the solutions are simple
Raise, cut, redefine, redistribute
I suggested problems and a couple of wrinkles
Class warfare and war warfare & crony tributes

I wanted him gone but it got me to thinking
How far apart we were but how we’re both sinking
How we both thought we needed some major tinkering
And how the state of the world could drive a man to drinking Continue reading

Special "How To" Feature: How to Select a Political Party or Candidate

1) Pick a 24 hour cable news channel, down large quantity of trucker’s speed or equivalent, & consume programming nonstop for 3 to 4 days. Voila! Your opinions, conspiratorial suspicions, and virulent hatred of “those people” on “the other side” should now be fully absorbed!2) Flip coin (sorry Greens, Libertarians, & Independents, there are only two sides on the current coin format).3) Fully analyze the platforms of the respective parties, and research thoroughly the voting records of individual politicians for whom you think you might vote. Naw, scratch that one…too much work!4) Ask the biggest douche bag you know about his/her political preferences and simply adopt the exact opposite.

5) Take a few minutes and jot down your thoughts on the following: how many people, on an average day, do you want to bomb the living shit out of? Which candidate would you most like to enjoy a frosty mug of ice cold beer with? Who do you think is best fit to run the world—business, government, or government officials in bed with big business? Screw guns and butter, what about nukes or decent K-12 education? Continue reading